I know it’s been awhile. And I’m not sorry I left. But I am sorry I didn’t come back sooner.
I have been dealing with a transition in my life that I needed to figure out. But I let that consume me and my thoughts and my goals. And I still don’t have it figured out.
I don’t know where I want to be. I switched jobs and sometimes I question if I have made the right decisions in my life to lead me here and question how long I am staying and where I am going next. I don’t quite know what I am looking for.
But I do know I like to create. I like writing. Even if no one is reading.
And I am sorry I stopped for so long.
I believe that the head or the heart are no better than the other but that they must work together in order to lead a fulfilling life. I have been letting them bully me into thinking that if I am not creating something great, something memorable, then why am I creating at all?
I thought I was falling out of love with writing. It was the one thing I had that I thought I was good at and I didn’t feel happy doing it. There was a nagging, pulling, a grip I couldn’t shake that was dragging me into the depths of Banality that allowed me to be okay with not continuing my goals. I let my dream lay wayside while I let the mundane life take over.
I don’t have a secret for coming out of this kind of funk. I don’t have 7 Steps to a Better You or a Simple Guide to Pursuing Your Dreams. What I do have is my own willpower to say enough is enough.
I am not happy not writing. I am unhappier not writing than when I was unhappy writing. I realize I wasn’t falling out of love with a passion but letting different standards and measures of success interfere with my ability to create freely.
My ideas are not enslaved by capitalism. I have a day job. My ideas are free.
So why I am letting these barriers get in my way? Why am I letting them be the mountains when they are only the mists?
So hello again. I can’t promise I will write regularly because I am a horribly inconsistent person. But I can promise that I will try harder.