Habit I wish I didn’t have

This one is a little more real. As part of the #30day challenge of getting to know me, I am writing about one habit I wish I didn’t have. And this isn’t about nail biting or being late to everything (two habits I actually don’t have).

It is about overthinking.

It is good to look at a problem at all angles, but the issue I have is I can’t stop thinking about it. Even when I think I have covered all the bases, the tape rewinds and starts all over, but in a more jumbled mess kind of way than anything close to a linear thought process.

Not that thought processes usually logically fit onto a line, but bare with me.

This overthinking has caused me to back out of a lot of opportunities. Instead of dealing with the issue and making whatever sacrifices I think I would have to make, I avoid the problem altogether. I can’t decide what would be the worst or best option, so I make no decision at all.

And there we go, my brain stops thinking about it because it has moved on to the next problem and I bury the previous problem deep, deep down in the psyche for it to become a problem later.

All this just to have some peace and quiet.

But no doubt, the noise starts right back up again, and sometimes on a smaller issue just because I have already been agitated about a bigger thing that my head needs to focus on something to nag on.

Lately, I have been trying to open my mind to new things and be more exploratory without letting the noise in my head get too loud.

It has been very hard.

Once my brain gets going, my voice stops. I don’t want to talk about what I am thinking because I will sound like a raving lunatic. The train will have derailed and there will be no getting back on the tracks. So I stay quiet and let my brain go on whatever joyride it fancies.

But it really has been affecting my moods. The slightest provocation has been sending me into a tirade. One little sentence or word can set me on edge for the rest of the day because I just can’t. Stop. Thinking.

All this noise sometimes just feels like a buzzing and no coherent thought is actually occurring because my thoughts have become so convoluted it just sounds like the noise in a cafeteria where you can’t actually make a conversation out, but the noise of talking and chattering is there.

Which can be frustrating. I feel like there should be a problem, but I can’t identify it because I can’t distinguish any concerns from the noise.

So now instead of having to bury the problem, my brain buzzes like there is no problem at all but there is something in the background that it is so obviously ignoring.

Here’s to trying to keep the noise down by being a little more daring, and a little more sensitive to listening to my own needs and hopefully having the ability to communicate that with others.

What is something you struggle with?

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